What Men Say

A reference guide to what guys really mean when they say something
"I'm going fishing."	*Really means...*	"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."	*Really means...*	"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"	*Really means...*	"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."	*Really means...*	Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."	*Really means...*	"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."	*Really means...*	"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late."	*Really means...*	"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."	*Really means...*	"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, Dear."	*Really means...*	"Are you still talking?"
"You expect too much of me."	*Really means...*	"You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie."	*Really means...*	"It's got guns, knives, fast cars and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work."	*Really means...*	"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"	*Really means...*	"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"You know how bad my memory is."	*Really means...*	"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."	*Really means...*	"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"I do help around the house."	*Really means...*	"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."	*Really means...*	"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."	*Really means...*	"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"	*Really means...*	"What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you."	*Really means...*	"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."	*Really means...*	"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."	*Really means...*	"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present."	*Really means...*	"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you."	*Really means...*	"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."	*Really means...*	"No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."	*Really means...*	"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious."	*Really means...*	"I like you more than my truck."
"I don't need to read the instructions."	*Really means...*	"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."	*Really means...*	"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

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