He does not have a beer gut;
He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not quiet;
He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

He is not stupid;
He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

He does not get lost;
He DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not balding;
He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a cradle robber;
   He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.   

He does not get falling-down drunk;
He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a total ass;
He develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.

He is not short;
He is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

He does not constantly talk about cars;
He has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

He is not unsophisticated;
He is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

He does not eat like a pig;
He suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

He does not hog the blankets;
He is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

He is not a male chauvinist pig;
He has SWINE EMPATHY.

He doesn't have a dirty mind;
He has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.

He is not afraid of commitment;
He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

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JOKE OF THE WEEK: Idiots in the Room "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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