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OFFICIAL APPLICATION TO BECOME
A FULL-FLEDGED REDNECK!
Name:________
Nickname: Bubba_______ Skeeter_______ Other____
Can you spell your name correctly?
Sometimes______ Never_____ With Help_____
Current Addess:_________________________________
Number
of Months Behind on Rent:_______
Neck Shade: Light Red_____ Medium Red_____ Dark Red_____ Peeling_____
Number of Teeth in full grin: 1___ 2___ 3___ More?_______
Approximate size and weight of beer belly:___________
Brand
of Beer____
Brand of Chewing Tobacco:_________
Brand
of Snuff:______________
Make of Pick-up truck:________ Size of Tires:________ 4 Wheel Drive?_____
Does
it have doors?_____
Number of Months Behind on Payments:__________
Altitude of Running Boards: 3'______ 6'______ 12'______ 16'______
Number of Empty Beer Cans Under the Seat:________ Broken Windows?_______
Is Your Truck Appropriately Equipped with the following?
-- 8 track Hank Williams tapes: __________
-- Pit bull: __________
-- Air Horns: __________
-- Roll Bar: __________
-- Steer Horns on hood: __________
-- Musical horn that plays "Dixie" __________
-- "David Duke For President" bumber sticker __________
-- "BOCEHPUS" bumper sticker __________
-- Red Man chewing tobacco bumper sticker __________
-- I love grits bumper sticker __________
-- "America, Love it or Leave it" bumper sticker __________
-- 12 foot CB antenna __________
-- Illegaly altered 1 gigawatt CB transmitter __________
-- Spitoon __________
-- Mudflaps __________
-- Curb Feelers __________
-- Shot Guns in back window __________
How many of the following items are in your front yard: (working or not)
-- Gardens made of old tires (tractor or truck) __________
-- Trucks or cars __________
-- Chickens or goats __________
-- Household appliances __________
-- Old Trailers __________
-- Bath Tubs __________
-- TV sets __________
Describe your last Elvis sighting:________________________________
Have you ever taken a date to a tractor pull?___ Hog calling contest?___
Do you own any of the following? Fertilizer hat?____ Feed hat?_______
Shoes?______ Belt buckles that weigh more than three pounds?_____________
If so: Have you worn them to Funerals_____ Weddings______ Church_______
Do you bathe with: Soap_______ Relatives________ Small animals_______
How often? Weekly______ Monthly______ Once a year_____ Twice a year____
Have you ever been shot at by: Ay-rabs___ Gooks___ Angry Husbands______
Wives_____ Fathers-in-law______ Mothers-in-law________ The Law_______
Does your wife weigh more than or less than: Your guitar___ Your truck__
Have you seen her in the past: Two weeks____ Two months____ Two years__
Have you seen her when she wasn't: Pregnant____ Barefoot____ Mad______
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend:_____________
If you have had someone read all the above questions to you and you have
completely understood them then place an "X" on the line below.
----------->________________
Witness Signature________________________________
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