What she says: We need...
What she MEANS: I want...

What she says: We need to talk.
What she MEANS: I need to complain.

What she says: Sure, go ahead.
What she MEANS: But I don't want you to.

What she says: I'm not upset.
What she MEANS: Of course I'm upset, you IDIOT.

What she says: The car is low on gas.
What she MEANS: Go fill it up.

What she says: The trash is getting full.
What she MEANS: Take out the trash, right now.



What she says: You're certainly attentive tonight.
What she MEANS: Is sex all you ever think about?

What she says: Be romantic, turn out the lights.
What she MEANS: I have flabby thighs.

What she says: You're so... manly.
What she MEANS: You need a shave and a bath.

What she says: It's your decision.
What she MEANS: The correct decision should be obvious to you by now.

What she says: Do you love me?
What she MEANS: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

What she says: How much do you love me?
What she MEANS: I did something today you're really not going to like.



What she says: I need new shoes.
What she MEANS: These other 43 pairs are the wrong shade of black.

What she says: We need new curtains.
What she MEANS: And new carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

What she says: This kitchen is so inconvenient.
What she MEANS: I want a new house.

What she says: I heard a noise.
What she MEANS: I noticed you were almost asleep.

What she says: I'll be ready in a minute.
What she MEANS: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

What she says: Do you like this recipe?
What she MEANS: It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.



What she says: Is my butt fat?
What she MEANS: Tell me I'm beautiful.

What she says: It's all right, dear.
What she MEANS: You'll pay for this.

What she says: I'm not yelling!
What she MEANS: Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.

What she says: Do what you want.
What she MEANS: You'll pay for this later.

What she says: You have to learn to communicate.
What she MEANS: Just agree with me.

What she says: I'm sorry.
What she MEANS: You'll be sorry.



What she says: The same old thing.
What she MEANS: Nothing.

What she says: Nothing.
What she MEANS: Everything.

What she says: I don't want to talk about it.
What she MEANS: Go away, I'm still building up steam.

What she says: What makes you think there is something wrong?
What she MEANS: I'm going to kill you.

What she says: Are you listening to me?!?
What she MEANS: Too late, you're dead.



What she says: Yes
What she MEANS: Maybe

What she says: No
What she MEANS: No

What she says: Maybe
What she MEANS: No

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Idiots in the Room

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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