Man's Dictionary
"IT'S
A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN
I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the
table?"
"UH
HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.
"IT
WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I
WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "I was wondering if that
redhead over there is wearing
a bra."
"TAKE
A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING
TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the
vacuum
cleaner."
"THAT'S
INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU
KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to
'F
Troop', the
address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the
vehicle
identification numbers of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot
your birthday."
"I
WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the
corner was a real babe."
"OH,
DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to
death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I
CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm
completely clueless."
"WHAT
DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I
HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and
am hoping desperately that I can fake it
well enough so that
you don't spend the next three days yelling
at me."
"YOU
KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE
ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell
at
me,
and realize
it could be worse."
"YOU
LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one
more outfit, I'm
starving."
"I'M
NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
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